Friday, 13 September 2013
Healthy sex is of great importance in a prosperous marriage. Therefore sexual incompatibility can lead to drastic consequences, even divorce in some cases. Though the success of a marriage is not based entirely on sex as there are many other important factors involved in marriage too yet sexual problems in a marriage can certainly lead to problems. If these problems are not resolved amicably on the right time then they can become the precursor of a divorce.
In order to get rid of sexual problems in a marriage one needs to be aware about what Islam has to say about this topic. Since faith and marriage are intertwined in Islam therefore, in order to make one’s marriage strong it is of utmost importance to have strong faith as well.
I have mentioned some relevant hadith here which throw light on the topic of sex in a marriage:
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Three people are cruel: ...a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay’.
In another hadith Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying’. Through this hadith sex without foreplay has been referred to as an animal-like behavior.
The Holy Quran says, ‘They ask you about menstruation’. Say, ‘Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go to them as Allah has commanded you (TMQ:2:222)
Abu Huraira (ra) reported that Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘When a woman spends a night away from the bed of her husband, the angels curse her until morning. This hadith has been narrated through the same chain of transmitters (with some variation): He said, ‘Until she comes back
On one of his night patrols Hazrat Umar bin Khattab (ra) heard a woman sing a song, ‘This night is very, very long and I have no companion to be with me
If it wasn’t for Allah I would have been with another man…….”
Her husband was away from her since long as he was fighting in the way of Islam and she had no children. Hazrat Umar bin Khattab (ra) immediately went to his daughter Hafsa’s house and asked her, ‘For how long can a woman live without her husband? Hafsa replied, ‘After the fourth month her patience will run out’. Hazrat Umar bin Khattab (ra) therefore, issued an order that no Muslim soldier should stay away from his wife for more than 4 months.
The above mentioned ahadith show that both the husband and wife have conjugal rights over each other. If any one of them does not fulfill their responsibilities towards their spouse then this may lead to altercations and unpleasantness in a marriage.
Sex-related problems in a marriage are of different sorts, such as:
Husband being too busy watching porn at night instead of enjoying physical intimacy with his wife.
Wife getting tired due to her husband’s great sex drive.
Wife complaining of her husband’s weak sex drive
Husband wearing out due to his wife’s demand for more and more sex and so on and so forth.
So we see that the problems are diverse and if we try to understand the nature of these problems then we may reach different conclusions. In some cases we will find ourselves sympathizing with the wife whose inability to cope with her husband’s excessive demand for sex can be attributed to the never-ending domestic chores, stress etc. In some other cases we would end up taking sides with the husband who has to put up with an impassionate wife.
However, analyzing these problems in the light of Islam would lead us to different conclusions all together. Who does not know that Satan is an enemy of mankind and that he loves to break marriages? Obviously Satan would not leave any stones unturned in making the husband and wife go separate ways. There are many cases in the society where married couples actually contemplate divorce on the grounds of sexual incompatibility. Through evil whispers Satan can quite easily captivate the minds of couples, leading to unpleasantness in their sex life.
Under the influence of Satan the husband starts neglecting his wife and starts watching porn instead. In case of the wife, she starts resenting her husband’s sex drive instead of complying with it and fulfilling her religious duties towards him.
So the problem once understood can be easily solved. Two mature and married people can definitely decide amicably how much sex is enough for them. There is certainly no harm in making some adjustments to suit each others needs. There should not be any ego hassles over this petty issue also.
However, if a husband or wife fails to stop Satan from controlling their sex life and if they find that their spouse is in no mood of listening to them then in such cases seeking the help of a spiritual healer would be appropriate. If Satan succeeds in totally captivating the mind of one of them then handling the situation single-handedly would be next to impossible by the other spouse. Fortunately, through spiritual remedies you can succeed in getting your marriage back on the track by ousting Satan from your married life once and for all.
Keep Me In Your Prayers,