Friday, 13 September 2013
HUSBAND- WIFE TIFFS
Before we delve into the topic of marital conflicts let us discuss another important point. Islam does not allow forced marriages. No girl or boy can be forced into marrying someone against their wishes.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘The non-virgin (without a husband) must not be married until she is consulted. A virgin must not be married
until her permission is sought”. They asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah (pbuh) how is her permission given? He said, ‘By her being silent.
In another narration it is mentioned that ‘Her silence is her permission.
In yet another narration it is mentioned that “A virgin’s father seeks her permission and her permission is her remaining silent”. Likewise a man also cannot be forced into marriage without his will.’
Marriage is a very important decision in our life and forcing someone into taking such a big decision would be tantamount to cruelty. Moreover, if we are forced into doing something then it is almost certain that we will do it half-heartedly. Hence, it is very important to take the consent of both the girl and boy before tying them in the marital bond instead of pressurizing them.
Now let us move on to our main topic of discussion, i.e. the husband-wife tiffs. As far as any relation is concerned, whether it is conjugal or consanguine, there can be some amount of clash between people due to a difference in temperaments, outlook, likes-dislikes, nature and habits. However, how often have we heard of parents who have disowned their children? This happens rarely in traditional societies. On the other hand, divorce, separation or marital conflicts are much commonly heard about. So why does the tolerance level of people reduce to such a great extent in conjugal relations that a husband and wife find it difficult to live in harmony? Why do so many married couples make a laughing stock of themselves in the society by fighting or bickering publicly? Le us look at this problem fro the Islamic perspective.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Iblis has his throne in the sea and he sends out his dispatchments of shaitan to aggravate people. The dearest of them to him is the one who causes the most fitna (tribulation). One of his workers comes and tells him, ‘I did not leave (my victim) until I brought about separation between him and his wife’. Iblis draws near him and says to him, ‘Yes, You (are the best)” Hadith.
This hadith emphatically states that Satan and his ilk are responsible for causing rifts and separation between an otherwise loving, married couple.
So the best way of controlling marital discords is to control Satan himself.
The problem between a husband and a wife may apparently seem to be caused by the following:
lack of compatibility,
lack of mutual respect,
urge to dominate each other,
Being at different wavelengths
However, the root of the problem is that the companions of Satan try to mislead the couple. This is evident by the above mentioned hadith. Therefore, instead of dealing with the problem superficially it would be wiser on our part if we try to protect ourselves and our relationship from the assault of Satan. In other words, our focus should remain on solving the differences with our spouse through the Islamic remedies.
Marriage counseling can be helpful to some extent because a counselor will try to bring the husband and wife closer as against Satan, whose main agenda is to destroy marriages. However, simply counseling cannot solve marital problems from the roots because counseling tackles such problems from the worldly angle only. It is only through spiritual healing that a couple can experience eternal bliss. This is because through spiritual healing the key factor, i.e. Satan is dealt with severely and effectively.
If a couple experiences normal tiffs once in a blue moon then there is not much need to worry about. However, if there are frequent altercations and the situation often turns ugly then it is time to sit up and take notice. In my earlier post ‘Family Conflicts’ I have mentioned the prayers which are highly effective in protecting us from Satan. However, if you feel that Satan has made your spouse a puppet in his hands by totally captivating his or her mind then in such a case, timely action can prevent the marriage from breaking up. Spiritual healing can save a marriage which is on the rocks by blocking Satan and his ilk.
Keep Me In Your Prayers,