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Friday, 13 September 2013

THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

Assalam oalaikum,

Through this blog I wish to explore the institution of marriage in the light of Islam. I shall be dealing with the various types of marital discords which raise their ugly heads and take away the romance from the marriage.
Before I discuss any of the marital problems or their solutions I would like to draw the attention of the readers towards the essence of this Sunnah of the Holy Prophet (pbuh).

In today’s materialistic world marriage revolves around dowries, exchange of lavish gifts, grand buffets, loud music, designer dresses; unnecessary ceremonies, bachelor parties and a vulgar display of wealth. Somewhere amidst all this glitter and ostentation the essence of marriage seems to have got lost. Therefore, it would be sensible on our part if we try to analyze this Sunnah in its original context (i.e. in the light of Islam) before we move onto the marital problems.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, “Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty Allah will increase him in ugliness. But whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in her for him and in him for her”.
This hadith makes it clear that the intention or niyaah with which one contemplates marriage is quite important. If one is trying to perform this Sunnah with greed or an ulterior motive then obviously, Allah (swt), who is All-Knowing and All -Powerful will not place any Blessing for such a person in his connubial relations.

Allah (swt) says in the Holy Quran:
“They are as a garment to you and you are as a garment to them’. (TMQ-2:187)

In this Quranic verse, the word garment has been beautifully used as a metaphor to bring out the physical intimacy between couples in a marriage.

Here are some other ahadith related to the institution of marriage:

The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are best to their wives. (At-Tirmidhi)
This hadith lays stress on the importance of treating one’s wife well. Besides this the hadith also shows that through good behavior towards one’s wife a man can prove himself to be a good believer.

Narrated Anas (ra): Allah’s Apostle said, ‘When a man marries he fulfills half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”
Allah’s Apostle said “The most perfect in faith amongst the believers is he who is best and kindest to his wife”. 
 The above mentioned hadith show that a believer can increase his rewards in the life hereafter through his marriage, i.e. if he handles his marriage in an Islamic way then he will be fortunate enough to be rewarded with Paradise. The ahadith also show that in Islam marriage is intertwined with faith.
“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences and the greatest joy in this world is a righteous woman”

This hadith shows that if the wife is pious then she will be considered to be a boon for her husband.

“Hazrat Ayesha (ra) was asked: “What did the Prophet used to do in his house? She replied: “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for As-Salaat, he would go for it.” (Hadith)

And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from own species that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect. (TMQ-30:21)
The above mentioned Quranic verse shows that Allah (swt) creates love and mercy between married couples which helps them to stay together through thick and thin.
So why do we find so many marriages which are on the rocks? Why do we find so many married couples contemplating divorce on trivial grounds, thereby making a mockery of the institution of marriage? When Allah (swt) has created love and mercy between couples then why does the situation turns so ugly? Well, you guessed it right! It is Satan who is at behind all this.     
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Iblis places his throne upon water; he sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: ‘I did so and so.” And he says, ‘You have done nothing’. Then one amongst them comes and says, ‘I did not spare so and so till I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” Shaitan goes near him and says, ‘You have done well.” He then embraces him. (Sahih Muslim and narrates by Jabir Ibn Abdullah)

A problem understood is a problem half- solved. Therefore, if we understand the cunning nature of Satan and how he loves to create strife between married couples, we can deal with the situation in a better way.
Satan loves to create discord between a husband and wife for obvious reasons. He knows that the sexual relation between married couples is lawful and their offsprings will also be legitimate. So Satan loses the opportunity of making people sin. Therefore, the motive of Satan is to ruin marriages, make couples split and contemplate divorce. This makes Satan very happy because a divorce not just affects a man and a woman but also their children for a long time to come.
So beware of Satan’s scheme so that we can frustrate his plans instead of getting frustrated ourselves!

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

PRE-MARITAL RELATIONS

Assalam oalaikum,

I have discussed the essence of marriage in Islam by citing various examples from the Holy Quran and ahadith in my previous post. Now onwards, I shall discuss the causes why so many marriages go wrong and offer their solutions in the light of Islam.
We have seen how Satan is dead against the institution of marriage as it is a Sunnah and he tries every trick in the book to split married couples.
We also know that our past often catches up with us and if we have committed any sin or mistakes in the past then all this can lead to negative consequences. Our past sins can affect our present and our past relationships can affect our present one.
As the saying goes, ‘Haste makes waste’, so people often tend to hurry into relationships just for the heck of it. We have often heard of unlawful relationships between a man and a woman such as temporary girlfriend- boyfriend relationships, the ‘no-strings attached’ friends with benefit relationships, one-night stands etc.

In one of my earlier blogs  . Satan lures people into unlawful relations.
I have shown how The people who get entrapped by Satan into mingling with the opposite sex, unlawfully, hardly realize what they are getting into. Temporary fun can turn into permanent pain. Some people are mature enough to realize that hasty pre-marital relationships can affect their marital bliss because one’s past can catch up with us at any moment. Such people consider it wiser to enjoy sexual relations in a timely way, i.e. after marriage, which is allowed by Allah (swt).
‘What has been done cannot be undone’.  So, if a person has already committed sins in the past and had been engaged in pre-marital sexual relations then there is no room for setting things right. After all, our life is not like a computer where we can delete the older files and retain only the new ones. History does not chang at any cost. However, the doors of repentance are never closed by Allah (swt).

Allah (swt) says in the Holy Quran:
‘Say: O My servants-who have wronged their own souls: Do not despair of Allah’s mercy: surely Allah forgives all sins. He is the All-Forgiving, the All-Merciful’ (TMQ-39:53).  

Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) said, ‘The one who repents from sin is like one who has never sinned’. (Ibn Majah)


So if a person repents wholeheartedly then Allah (swt), who is All-Merciful, will surely forgive him or her of all the past sins. This will help a person to unburden his soul and then make a fresh start in life.

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

SATAN TRIES HIS LEVEL BEST TO PREVENT MARRIAGES















Assalam oalaikum,

Summarizing the discussion so far we have seen how Satan is dead against the institution of marriage because he knows that if a person is committing himself to someone through marriage then he is not only legalizing his relation with that person but he is also abiding by the Islamic code of life. Through marriage sexual relation between a man and a woman will also become legalized and it will not be considered to be a sin, as it happens in case of fornication. The offspring born through marriage will also be legal. In such a case Satan will lose the opportunity of making people indulge in pre-marital illicit relations.
Satan cannot stop people from getting married directly, as such. However, there are many amongst us who have surrendered before him and have become his followers instead of Allah (swt). Such people behave as Satan’s agents in this world and Satan can easily exploit them to carry out his evil agenda. How many times have we witnessed cases where a girl and a boy are on the verge of getting married but some unpleasantness takes place at the eleventh hour and the marriage gets disrupted? Well, this happens commonly. There are also cases where we notice that just before a marriage takes place, some troublemakers try to instigate both the families against each other. This leads to a lot of bitterness, misunderstandings and tensions on both the sides. However, if the marriage has been decreed by Allah (swt) then it will take place notwithstanding all the mischief. When two people and their respective families have readily agreed upon the marriage then who are those people who try to create dissent between them in a bid to foil the pending marriage? Definitely they are the companions of Satan through whom Satan makes desperate attempts to stop the marriage from getting solemnized. Such people go about spreading rumors about the boy or the girl who is about to get married. Such false propaganda leads to a lot of tension and unpleasantness between the two families.
Sometimes, Satan exploits his companions in a more unscrupulous way to attack the marriage. If merely instigating both the parties is not enough to prevent the marriage from getting solemnized, Satan incites his companions to use the dagger of black magic to rip apart the marriage. The unsuspecting families will hardly realize that how did their erstwhile good relations get ruined all of a sudden. This is because for those amongst us who do not understand the evil traits and the cunning policies of Satan, black magic works like a silent pistol. It may come to light only when the harm has already been done.
If the boy and the girl who are about to tie the knot or their respective families  for that matter get any inkling of foul play from a third party then they should realize at once that Satan is all set to foil their marriage plans. They should not believe in any rumors about their prospective spouse or his or her family. 
Satan can also try to use his weapon of evil whisperings into the ears through which he tries to sow the seeds of doubts in the minds of people. It is up to those people whether they get mislead by Satan or whether they ignore his whispers.
Sometimes when the situation gets out of control and the devil is on the prowl to prevent the marriage with his total force, consulting a spiritual healer would be beneficial.
Merely ignoring Satanic whispers is very much in our hands. However, if we are being attacked with black magic in delicate matters such as marriage then dealing with the situation without professional help would be next to impossible.      

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

EXTRA-MARITAL RELATIONS

Assalam oalaikum,

During medieval times when a king would meet his opponent in the battlefield he could totally crush him and take him captive or even kill him. In our day to day life also many of us succeed in settling scores with our adversaries. If one is powerful enough then with a single stroke the enemy can be brought to book. However, as far as our biggest adversary, i.e. Satan is concerned we cannot defeat him once and for all. 

Allah (swt) says in the Holy Quran:
Say, “I seek refuge with the Lord of mankind, the King of mankind, the real God of mankind, from the evil of the whisperer, who returns over and over again, who whispers (evil) into the hearts of men, whether he be from amongst the jinn or mankind.” (TMQ-114)

Satan has the tendency of making attempts persistently to mislead mankind through his evil whispers. If he fails in his attempt to deceive us, he retreats and then approaches us again.
Likewise if Satan fails to stop a man and a woman from getting married then he tries to attack the marital bond itself, with the aim of breaking it apart. By luring married people into having an extra-marital affair not only does Satan tear apart the fabric of marriage but he also succeeds in his mission to lure mankind towards sin. Those who indulge in such extra-marital relations are in a way helping Satan to reinforce his position. If Satan’s attempts to lure people towards fornication before marriage have failed then those who indulge in adultery after marriage will be adequately compensating Satan and thus, making him happy.
In the last line of the Quranic verse 114, Allah (swt) has asked us to seek refuge from those who implant evil thoughts into our minds, whether they are from amongst the jinn or mankind. This shows that evil entities exist not only amongst the jinn but also amongst mankind. So we need to beware of the evil people also in order to protect ourselves from sinning. Because of the large and complex network of Satan and his ilk in this world we are vulnerable to being attacked by them. Though we can protect ourselves by seeking refuge with our Creator but Satan’s often proves to be quite a nuisance. Satan can not only entice married men or women into getting attracted towards others than their spouse but Satan can also entice others to target married people. We have often heard about home wreckers or the ‘other woman’ who have no qualms in breaking into a marriage like a burglar and stealing the husband. Likewise, we find many cases in the society where men do not mind having illicit relation with a married woman behind her husband’s back.
In other words, whether the marital fabric is being torn apart by the couple itself or by outsiders, it is Satan who is the mastermind behind such evil activities. By enticing married people into such vulgarities Satan succeeds in making a mockery of the institution of marriage. A family is a basic unit of the society whereas marriage is the building block of families. If a marriage faces turbulence then this affects the society as well. Extra-marital relations are against the moral values of a society and they can not just rip apart a marriage but also create a negative impact on the children. The married people who transgress the boundaries of marriage for solace or fun are doing great harm not only to their own eternal life but also to their family and the society, by and large. Therefore, caution needs to be taken lest Satan succeeds in his evil mission of ruining marriages.
However, sometimes the third party who tries to break a marriage uses the tool of black magic to easily achieve their goal. For example: a conniving woman sets her eyes on the wealth of a married man and in order to con him she takes help of black magician. Consequently, the man’s mind is captivated through black magic and he loses interest in his own wife. He falls into the lap of the other woman, thereby breaking his own home and destroying himself. In such commonly occurring cases, one cannot tackle the situation simply though caution. One needs to pay back the trouble maker in the same coin, by seeking professional help of a spiritual healer so that things fall into place.

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

FAMILY CONFLICTS

Assalam oalaikum,

We have often heard of the cases about friction between married women and their mother-in-law. This mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflict is quite a common occurrence in households. Though it rarely occurs in nuclear families but in joint families, this conflict seems to be a part and parcel of the marital life. This is obvious because getting along with one another will be more difficult when people stay under the same roof. Before I
delve further into this topic let us go through some pertinent hadith:
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘The best amongst you are those who are best to their families and I am the best of you to my family”. (Tirmidhi, Sahih)
“The best of you are those who are the best to your wives”. (Tirmidhi, Sahih)
The best of women are those that please you when you see them, obey you when commanded and who safeguard themselves and your money in your absence”. (Tabarani, Sahih)
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother,” (Nasai, Ahmed).



While dealing with this topic the common course that is taken is to critically analyze the role played by the husband, wife and the mother-in-law and then offer some solutions. However, if we deal with this topic in the light of Islam then merely passing judgments on attitude of the husband, wife and the mother-in-law will not suffice.
When we look at this problem from the Islamic perspective then we know for sure that instead of blaming people or situations we ought to look deeper into the matter and solve the problem holistically.
In my previous posts I have discussed in detail that the main factor which breaks apart marriages is the Satan’s influence. So the underlying reason for ruining of marriages is Satan in 100% of the cases whereas apparently the reason may seem to be something else, such as a possessive mother-in-law, ego hassles, extra-marital relations etc.
If Satan makes up his mind to destroy a marriage through the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict then will use his old tricks of whispering into the ears of both. If both of them are wise enough to understand Satan’s foul play then peace will prevail between them. However, if any one of them gets swayed by Satanic whispers then the result will be drastic.
As far as the man is concerned he ought to understand the importance of both the women in his life. His mother is the one who has given him birth and his wife is the one who gives birth to his children. Therefore, instead of getting inclined towards one of them and ignoring the other he should try to strike a balance between both his relations. Satan can incite the man to fulfill his duties towards one of them and behave irresponsibly towards the other. This can also create a friction in the familial relations.
If the problem has reached only up to this level then the people who are involved can improve the situation by ignoring Satanic whispers. They can also recite Islamic prayers which are specially meant to protect oneself from the onslaught of Satan such as:
And say, ‘My Lord, I seek refuge in You from the incitements of the devils. (TMQ-23:97)
And I seek refuge with You, My Lord! Lest they may attend (or come near) me”. (TMQ-23:98)
Reciting the Ta’awwudh
Reciting Surah Falaq and Surah Naas

Unfortunately there are ample cases in the society when Satan totally captivates the mind of the people. Thus, the mother-in-law can be incited by Satan into using black magic against her daughter –in-law or vice versa. If we look around, we find many such cases where black magic is being used by women who cannot tolerate the love and the strong bond between their husband and his mother. Though all this sounds shameful yet it is the dark reality. If people obey Allah (swt) then they can prove themselves to be the Ashraf-ul-Maqhluqat or the best of all creations but if they start following Satan then they can stoop very low.
Coming back to the point, if the situation has taken such an ugly turn that people resort to black magic to have their way then one can take help from a spiritual healer. As the saying goes, ‘A stitch in time saves nine’ so the faster this spiritual problem is diagnosed and treated the better. Timely action is possible only when the victims of black magic are vigilant. So it is up to you whether you wish to stay alert and protect yourself or shut your eyes to the problem of black magic and then suffer loss in the bargain.

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

FINANCIAL CRISIS IN A MARRIAGE

Assalam oalaikum,

Money is important in our lives and dearth of money can put a person in an awkward position. In order to lead a decent and self-sufficient each one of us requires money.
Lack of money in a family can create tensions, irrespective of the fact whether we live in a consanguine family or in a conjugal family. However, in this post we are concerned only with the conjugal family.
Financial crunch faced by a married couple can be generally classified into types:
Having to live from hand to mouth constantly.
Experiencing  a sudden financial crisis

Whatever be the nature of the financial problem we will make an attempt to find a solution in the light of Islam. Many problems arise in our lives because we do not pay heed to what the Holy Quran says. 

Allah (swt) says in the Holy Quran:
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard” (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property etc) (TMQ-4:34)

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Young men, those of you an support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking a women and preserves your chastity; but those who cannot should fast, for it is a means of cooling passion.” (Bukhari)

The above mentioned Quranic verse and hadith have emphasized the fact that in Islam, men are supposed to be the bread earners and protectors of women owing to certain qualities which Allah (swt) has endowed them with.

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, “You are obliged to provide them with food and clothes honorably”.
( Transmitted by Abu Dawud (1905); Ibn Majah (3074)

The best of women are those that please you when you see them, obey you when commanded and who safeguard themselves and your money in your absence”. (Tabarani, Sahih)


So we find that the Holy Quran has laid down the rules which define the mutual rights and duties of the husband and wife. Understanding the Quran and following the Quranic rulings can definitely help in increasing the compatibility between a husband and a wife and make them co-operate with each other through thick and thin.

Allah (swt) loves those who are grateful towards Him.
Allah (swt) says in the Holy Quran: “And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: If you give thanks I will give you more (of my blessings) but if you are thankless, verily! My Punishment is indeed severe.” (TMQ-14:7)

We need to learn a lesson from the above mentioned verse so that we do not allow the financial ups and downs in the marital life to destroy the fabric of marriage. If ungratefulness creeps into our mind then we will overlook all the blessings which Allah (swt) has showered upon us and we shall focus only on those things which we are deprived of. By doing this mistake we will be subject to punishment from our Lord and we shall also deprive ourselves of getting more Blessings from our Lord, according to the verse 14:7.

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

Domestic violence

Assalam oalaikum,

The subject of domestic violence is universal. In order to abate domestic violence Saudi Arabia has recently passed a landmark judgment, named the anti-abuse bill. Several other countries have also framed laws which aim at protecting women from abuse. However, we have noticed that despite all these initiatives the malady of domestic violence seems to be on the rise.
So what could be the reason due to which domestic violence seems to have snowballed over the recent years? Could it be alcoholism, poverty, drug abuse, stress, frustration, an urge to dominate, cultural factors or something else?

In a lot of cases men batter their wives in an inebriated state. So it would be reasonable to link domestic violence with alcoholism. However, according to statistics not all the cases of wife beating take place under the influence of alcohol. So there can be other reasons also behind this crime.

In order to find the solution to this problem we will have to analyze this topic in the light of Islam so that we can find the root of the problem.
Islam does not glorify wife beating at all and if a man beats his wife under the influence of Satan then it means that he is violating her rights as a wife and spoiling his Akhraah.
Apparently, lack of awareness about the rights of a husband and a wife in Islam, misconstruing the meaning of certain Quranic verses and lastly, obeying Satan and raising one’s hand on one’s wife are the main causes behind the disgusting act of wife battering. 


Narrated Abdullah bin Zam’a: The Prophet (pbuh) said, ‘None of you should flog his wife as he flogs a slave and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last pasrt of th day”.( Bukhari: vol-7, Book 62, no.132)
The most perfect of believers in faith are those who are finest towards the finest in manners and gentle towards their wives”. (Hadith)

So a man who beats his wife on the slightest pretext is the one who is not a perfect believer. Obviously, marriage and faith are inter-twined in Islam. Only a person who has a strong faith and who fears Allah will not indulge in evil practices such as wife battering.

I am mentioning some remedies through which a woman can protect herself from the cruelty of her husband.

Read Ya Wadudo 1000 times and blow it over a dessert. Then offer two rakat Nafil Namaz and pray to Allah for success. Then offer the dessert to your husband. Inshallah your husband will become gentle towards you.
Read Ya Saboor either in the middle of the night or in the afternoon 1101 times. This amal should be continued till a week. Inshallah within this period your husband will develop a soft corner for his wife.

In some rare cases the domestic violence problem becomes quite complicated wherein the women do not get enough time, privacy or peace of mind. Under such unfortunate circumstances they may find it difficult to perform even the simple amals which I mentioned above due to their ordeal. If this is happening with a woman then instead of tackling the situation alone they should seek the help of a spiritual healer to do the needful.

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

HUSBAND- WIFE TIFFS

Assalam oalaikum,
Before we delve into the topic of marital conflicts let us discuss another important point.  Islam does not allow forced marriages. No girl or boy can be forced into marrying someone against their wishes.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘The non-virgin (without a husband) must not be married until she is consulted. A virgin must not be married
until her permission is sought”. They asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah (pbuh) how is her permission given? He said, ‘By her being silent.
In another narration it is mentioned that ‘Her silence is her permission.
In yet another narration it is mentioned that “A virgin’s father seeks her permission and her permission is her remaining silent”.  Likewise a man also cannot be forced into marriage without his will.’

Marriage is a very important decision in our life and forcing someone into taking such a big decision would be tantamount to cruelty. Moreover, if we are forced into doing something then it is almost certain that we will do it half-heartedly. Hence, it is very important to take the consent of both the girl and boy before tying them in the marital bond instead of pressurizing them.
Now let us move on to our main topic of discussion, i.e. the husband-wife tiffs. As far as any relation is concerned, whether it is conjugal or consanguine, there can be some amount of clash between people due to a difference in temperaments, outlook, likes-dislikes, nature and habits. However, how often have we heard of parents who have disowned their children? This happens rarely in traditional societies. On the other hand, divorce, separation or marital conflicts are much commonly heard about. So why does the tolerance level of people reduce to such a great extent in conjugal relations that a husband and wife find it difficult to live in harmony? Why do so many married couples make a laughing stock of themselves in the society by fighting or bickering publicly?  Le us look at this problem fro the Islamic perspective.

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Iblis has his throne in the sea and he sends out his dispatchments of shaitan to aggravate people.  The dearest of them to him is the one who causes the most fitna (tribulation). One of his workers comes and tells him, ‘I did not leave (my victim) until I brought about separation between him and his wife’. Iblis draws near him and says to him, ‘Yes, You (are the best)” Hadith.

This hadith emphatically states that Satan and his ilk are responsible for causing rifts and separation between an otherwise loving, married couple.
So the best way of controlling marital discords is to control Satan himself.
The problem between a husband and a wife may apparently seem to be caused by the following:
lack of compatibility,
lack of mutual respect,
suspicion,
urge to dominate each other,
financial problems,
disloyalty
Being at different wavelengths

However, the root of the problem is that the companions of Satan try to mislead the couple. This is evident by the above mentioned hadith. Therefore, instead of dealing with the problem superficially it would be wiser on our part if we try to protect ourselves and our relationship from the assault of Satan. In other words, our focus should remain on solving the differences with our spouse through the Islamic remedies.
Marriage counseling can be helpful to some extent because a counselor will try to bring the husband and wife closer as against Satan, whose main agenda is to destroy marriages. However, simply counseling cannot solve marital problems from the roots because counseling tackles such problems from the worldly angle only. It is only through spiritual healing that a couple can experience eternal bliss. This is because through spiritual healing the key factor, i.e. Satan is dealt with severely and effectively.
If a couple experiences normal tiffs once in a blue moon then there is not much need to worry about. However, if there are frequent altercations and the situation often turns ugly then it is time to sit up and take notice. In my earlier post ‘Family Conflicts’ I have mentioned the prayers which are highly effective in protecting us from Satan. However, if you feel that Satan has made your spouse a puppet in his hands by totally captivating his or her mind then in such a case, timely action can prevent the marriage from breaking up. Spiritual healing can save a marriage which is on the rocks by blocking Satan and his ilk.

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

SEX-RELATED PROBLEMS

Assalam oalaikum,

Healthy sex is of great importance in a prosperous marriage. Therefore sexual incompatibility can lead to drastic consequences, even divorce in some cases. Though the success of a marriage is not based entirely on sex as there are many other important factors involved in marriage too yet sexual problems in a marriage can certainly lead to problems. If these problems are not resolved amicably on the right time then they can become the precursor of a divorce.

In order to get rid of sexual problems in a marriage one needs to be aware about what Islam has to say about this topic. Since faith and marriage are intertwined in Islam therefore, in order to make one’s marriage strong it is of utmost importance to have strong faith as well. 

I have mentioned some relevant hadith here which throw light on the topic of sex in a marriage:

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Three people are cruel: ...a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay’.
In another hadith Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying’. Through this hadith sex without foreplay has been referred to as an animal-like behavior.
The Holy Quran says, ‘They ask you about menstruation’. Say, ‘Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go to them as Allah has commanded you (TMQ:2:222)
Abu Huraira (ra) reported that Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘When a woman spends a night away from the bed of her husband, the angels curse her until morning. This hadith has been narrated through the same chain of transmitters (with some variation): He said, ‘Until she comes back

On one of his night patrols Hazrat Umar bin Khattab (ra) heard a woman sing a song, ‘This night is very, very long and I have no companion to be with me
If it wasn’t for Allah I would have been with another man…….”
Her husband was away from her since long as he was fighting in the way of Islam and she had no children. Hazrat Umar bin Khattab (ra) immediately went to his daughter Hafsa’s house and asked her, ‘For how long can a woman live without her husband? Hafsa replied, ‘After the fourth month her patience will run out’. Hazrat Umar bin Khattab (ra) therefore, issued an order that no Muslim soldier should stay away from his wife for more than 4 months.

The above mentioned ahadith show that both the husband and wife have conjugal rights over each other. If any one of them does not fulfill their responsibilities towards their spouse then this may lead to altercations and unpleasantness in a marriage. 
Sex-related problems in a marriage are of different sorts, such as:
Husband being too busy watching porn at night instead of enjoying physical intimacy with his wife.
Wife getting tired due to her husband’s great sex drive.
Wife complaining of her husband’s weak sex drive
Husband wearing out due to his wife’s demand for more and more sex and so on and so forth.

So we see that the problems are diverse and if we try to understand the nature of these problems then we may reach different conclusions. In some cases we will find ourselves sympathizing with the wife whose inability to cope with her husband’s excessive demand for sex can be attributed to the never-ending domestic chores, stress etc. In some other cases we would end up taking sides with the husband who has to put up with an impassionate wife.
However, analyzing these problems in the light of Islam would lead us to different conclusions all together. Who does not know that Satan is an enemy of mankind and that he loves to break marriages? Obviously Satan would not leave any stones unturned in making the husband and wife go separate ways. There are many cases in the society where married couples actually contemplate divorce on the grounds of sexual incompatibility. Through evil whispers Satan can quite easily captivate the minds of couples, leading to unpleasantness in their sex life.
Under the influence of Satan the husband starts neglecting his wife and starts watching porn instead. In case of the wife, she starts resenting her husband’s sex drive instead of complying with it and fulfilling her religious duties towards him.
So the problem once understood can be easily solved. Two mature and married people can definitely decide amicably how much sex is enough for them. There is certainly no harm in making some adjustments to suit each others needs. There should not be any ego hassles over this petty issue also.

However, if a husband or wife fails to stop Satan from controlling their sex life and if they find that their spouse is in no mood of listening to them then in such cases seeking the help of a spiritual healer would be appropriate. If Satan succeeds in totally captivating the mind of one of them then handling the situation single-handedly would be next to impossible by the other spouse. Fortunately, through spiritual remedies you can succeed in getting your marriage back on the track by ousting Satan from your married life once and for all.   

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com

CHILDLESS COUPLES

Assalam oalaikum,

Allah (swt) says in the Holy Quran:
“To Allah belongs the Kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates whatever He wills: He gives daughters to whom he wills: and sons to whom He wills; or He gives both sons and daughters to whom He wills and makes barren whom he wills. Indeed He knows everything and has power over everything”. (TMQ: 49-50)

This verse proves the helplessness of mankind because whatever Allah (swt) has decreed will happen. Therefore, we have to be content with whatever Allah (swt) bestows upon us because none of us can have children according to our own wish. Not being able to conceive can be quite exasperating for the couples who long to have a child. After all children are one of the greatest Blessings which Allah (swt) has bestowed upon us.

However, we should realize that Allah (swt) puts us to test in different ways in this fleeting, worldly life.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials (ordeals, suffering, difficulties). Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment (happiness) and whoever is angry, upon him is wrath (anger)’.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Surely I know a verse (from the Holy Quran) which if people would have followed it, would have sufficed for them concerning everything (in life). ‘Whoever fears Allah in whatever He does Allah will open for him a way out the difficulties and will provide for him from whence he could little imagine. And whoever trusts in Allah he is enough for Him. Allah brings His Decrees to fulfillment- Allah has appointed a destiny for everything”.(TMQ-65:2-3); Ibn Majah and Ahmad).

In another hadith Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, ‘Whatever trouble illness, anxiety, grief, pain or sorrow afflicts a Muslim, even if it is the pricking of a thorn-Allah removes in its places some of his sins’.

 So instead of accusing each another regarding the matter of childlessness a married couple should remain patient and pray to Allah (swt).

Thawban (ra) reports that Prophet Mohamad (pbuh) said, ‘Verily a man is deprived of a provision (that was written for him) because of a sin that he commits; only prayers changes destiny; and only righteousness can increase the lifespan’. (Nasai, Ibn Mjah).

At this point I would like to mention some prayers to cure infertility:

If a person has undergone treatment yet there is no hope of cure then he or she should recite Ya Affu as many times as possible. Inshallah through the blessings of this beautiful name of Allah (swt) the person will be blessed with a child.
 Recite Dua-e-Zakariya (AS): O my Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors’. (TMQ-21:89)
Recite the prayer: O my Lord! Grant me from You a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation) (TMQ-3:38)
Recite Surah Al-Fajr (Surah no.89) daily 11 times. Inshallah, Allah (swt) will protect them from the ignominy of being childless and Bless them with an offspring.
    
Apart from natural infertility or impotency there is also black magic induced childlessness. If a person is not aware about this then it would be tantamount to underestimating the damage that evil people can create through the tool of black magic. Infertility and impotency are only two amongst the innumerable diseases and problems which can be brought through black magic.  Many female-related diseases such as menstrual irregularities, heavy bleeding, infertility and infections can be inflicted upon the victim of black magic. So merely having hormone levels which are not favorable for maintaining pregnancy or a woman’s being allergic to her husband’s sperms are not the only problems which can affect reproduction. There is a spiritual dimension to this problem as well.
In many families with a long history of black magic it has been found that if the news of a woman’s pregnancy gets leaked somehow then she experiences a miscarriage. However, if the news is kept a secret till the last moment then that woman gives birth to a healthy child. Making an erstwhile fertile woman infertile or an otherwise normal man impotent is quite an easy task for those who practice black magic. So instead of regarding the problems of frequent miscarriages, abnormal children, infertility, impotency and sexual problems as purely medical ones, we should also deal with them from the spiritual angle. After all only a holistic approach can help us get rid of these problems in totality.

Keep Me In Your Prayers,
Amel Soname
Amel_soname@yahoo.com